i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
