Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
