She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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