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Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
