Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
