dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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