I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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