it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
