Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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