No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
