I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
