I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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