woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
