last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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