I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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