I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
