Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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