So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
