So drunk its hurt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Randomize
