dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone came in the potted fern
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
