I wish I could teleport
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
