As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
