so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
