I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think people are normalizing furries
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
