i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
