2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I look better un-naked...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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