The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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