I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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