The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
