census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
