I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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