I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
