I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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