That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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