Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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