yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
