Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
