there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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