Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
