that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
