She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
