I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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