I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
