i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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