I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
