their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
