i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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