She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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