I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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