Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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