do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
