the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
4 words: hood of his car
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
