aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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