I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
