my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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