The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
