I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
