Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
