i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Terrible idea I love it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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