At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i think im in europe. pls send help
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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