that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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