Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
