I wanna bring you to show and tell
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize