I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
