ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
