4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
