Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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