South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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