I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
